This is my old chestnut compiled by myself and a dear old friend. Decided to dust it off and put it on the mantle next to my Hong Kong Santa.
The Xavier Holiday Rules
1. The mail comes in at 2 p.m. The mail is ready to be dispersed at 4 p.m. No one may touch the mail, i.e., the cards, presents, etc. until Bobby Drake, hereto forth known as The Mail Master is done sorting them under penalty of said Mail Master.
1a. And you are not allowed to take the Mail Masters Santa hat for a very cruel game of Keep Away.
1b. Especially if you are a hot red head. Because you enforce that all girls are gorgeous and cruel and you will ruin me for other girls.
2. When Santa's elves are at work, they must not be disturbed. If they happen to be working in the TV room at the same time as Danger Mouse is on, that's your loss.
2a. Only one person has ever called Wolverine "Santa's elf". They are not currently living. Any questions?
3. Eggnog is of the strong and only for the legal.
3a. No, Bobby, we know that's a fake ID.
3b. Same goes for Kitty, Tabitha, Sam, Berto, Doug and Jubilee.
3c. An no fare waiteng untillll wee r tu derunk to kare...we wll knew n teh morngngn!
4. Tree decoration is on December 20th, in the afternoon, over mulled wine. In the event of supervillain attack, it may be postponed to the morning of the 21st.
4a. Home-made decorations are allowed. However, no decorations may be added that are designed to do any of the following: Explode, implode, open portals to alternate dimensions, broadcast signals to the Mojoverse, radically alter the biochemistry, physiology or mental state of those in proximity, or convince Banshee that the tree is actually Black Tom, back for
vengeance.
4b. While edible decorations may of course be hung on the tree, it is recommended that you hang them at a height greater than six feet and four inches from the ground, this being the maximum height to which certain of the mansion's residents have shown themselves capable of reaching.
5. You are not allowed to sing THAT song. THAT song includes references to "five golden rings" and a partridge who is not David Cassidy.
5a. You are not funny by changing the words to include monkeys mating and ending with "And a bald professor scowling at me!"
